The Mind As an Obstacle to Peace

In my life and business coaching practice, I run into a lot of people looking for more success and happiness in one form or another. Occasionally, some of these clients have concluded that their greater fulfillment is not going to be found in usual playgrounds of additional accomplishment in their; career, relationships, hobbies, fitness, fame, or their bank account.

And anyone who has ever had a deeper calling, who has genuinely longed to find what it true and lasting in life, has inevitably run into a few predictable roadblocks associated with  the limitations of the human mind.  Because changing, reasoning with, convincing, pacifying  or sustainably satisfying the mind can seem like an impossible job.

Fortunately, there are many solutions offered.  Various spiritual traditions attempt to solve this problem by offering the a seeker a particular set of long-established, widely-held beliefs, coupled with the invocation that it is a virtue to have faith and not to question.  This works for billions of people, and yet causes others to flee.

Other spiritual traditions teach elaborate practices to still the mind. This approach can keep many people busy for years. Yet, whatever stillness is momentarily achieved, quickly evaporates and sends the seeker back to do yet more practice.

If you are lucky, and ready, you may run into a teacher that can help you realize that any attempts by the mind, to manage the mind, will at best provide limited and temporary benefit.  Ultimately, the conquest of thought is the simply, direct, recognition that you are not your thoughts.  A thought may seem very close, intimate and personal, yet you begin to notice the real, unchanging you, is what is witnessing thought.

I am pretty sure I read this type of instruction a few hundred times from a variety of sources before I was ready to actually personally explore it.  And finding the appropriate guide is a matter of timing and grace. However, once it is directly verified that you are more than your mind, you will come to see that mind is really not your enemy. It is simply one of the many ways the energy of life expresses itself.  All thoughts and emotions, and all life circumstances do in fact come and go. And there is an unchanging part of you that really does witness it all without affect.  Further, this part of you needs nothing, resists nothing and thus is always quite content.

So, ironically, it is only when the mind stops seeking its own improvement or dissolution, that it is truly at peace.   And it is only when you stop identifying with or trying to control the mind, that you can simply ignore it out of relevance.

It is there. It is useful. But it is not who you are. It is just part of what you experience.  

Proceed With Joy

When I was a child and worrying about something, my mother would often ask, “Aren’t you taking yourself too seriously.”

At the time I simply took this as a reminder that the current problem will probably pass, just like all that preceded it, and that I should not worry too much.

Years later, and after working with over 1100 clients in my coaching practice, I am beginning have a deeper appreciation of this inquiry.

In fact I have come to believe that whenever you are not at peace, not experiencing simple, everyday joy, you are probably taking yourself too seriously. By this I mean, there is probably a part of you that has judged this current set of circumstances to be unfavourable. And so the thinking mind has left the moment and is out in the imagined future somewhere working out plans to overcome all threats. Or, alternatively, the mind has left the present moment and is looking backwards to re-hash, re-play, or otherwise dwell on some event that it is judging as significant.

So here is a suggestion, if you are not at this very moment feeling peaceful and happy, simply ask yourself what do I need to let go of to be at peace?

Yes there are times in our day to day life to evaluate, choose and move into action. But it is not personal. If you have too much stress in your life, or too little joy, chances are you are taking things a little too personal. It’s just life. It happens. Trust you will be able to respond as necessary.  

In the meantime, proceed with joy.       

Why Remain Optimistic?

In the trough of a deep recession, optimism can be a scarce commodity. As wave after wave of negative economic news washes around the globe, anyone who struggles to find silver linings can feel like an endangered species.

However as someone who does believe in humanity's ability to adjust and adapt to new circumstances, I was bouyed to read Dr. Sonja Lyubormirsky's THE HOW OF HAPPINESS, and find more hard evidence on the benefits of remaining optimistic.

To be clear, when I talk about optimism I am not advocating ignoring the real challenges of life. As you look around the world these days, you can see ample evidence of humanity's seemingly limitless capacity for self-interest, greed and general stupidity.

Nevertheless, if you look for it, you can also see countless situations where the best in humanity comes forth in beautiful displays of compassion, creativity and selflessness. Both these truths exist, and the point is it matters which perspective you choose to focus on or put in the forefront of your experience of life.

There is overwhelming evidence that people who choose to cultivate the habits of optimism, that believe in silver linings and that things will work out in the end, enjoy; greater health, greater longevity, lower stress, more energy and higher achievement. As an optimist you will not only enjoy far more happiness, but are also far more likely to persevere, stick to your goals and respond better to challenging situations.

Cultivating optimism is not only worthwhile, it's achievable, even for those of us raised in fearful or skeptical environments. Research attests to benefits of optimism fostering strategies ranging from; expressing gratitude, regular exercise, practicing kindness, developing greater mindfulness, cultivating social relationships, and learning how to savor more of life's simple joys. (Sonja's book is a very good summary of these strategies and includes practical advice on implementation.)

Not only can the habit of optimism make you feel better, it can also influence what you manifest or make happen in your life. In this regard, psychologists have long distinguished between primary and secondary control. An example of primary control is your ability to directly influence existing realities - the rain, the economy, your boss, etc. Secondary control refers to your ability to adapt to reality. (I cannot change the rain, maybe I can learn how to have more fun on rainy days?)

While most of the social science research focuses on helping us cultivate greater secondary control and thus better respond to life, the spiritual traditions (and Keynesian economics) teach that what you think, believe, and act on, absolutely influences your primary reality. If you think it is a dog-eat-dog world out there, you are going to be fearful and that will influence your behavior and what and whom you attract into your life. (Pessimists tend to attract more pessimists. Optimists attract people of a similar energy.) If you think the economy is going to get worse, you will hold back on your spending, and your spending is someone else's salary. They pull back on their spending and that can affect your income. In short, you create the very future you fear.

How you see the world can definitely influence, what you think, how you feel and what you act on. As such, your view of the world can directly shape the future you are creating.

So, cultivating more optimism not only makes you happier, healthier and a heck of a lot more fun to be around, it will also have a positive impact on creating a better future for everyone.

Every roller coaster ride has its share of heart stopping plunges. Choose to have faith your little cart is firmly fixed on the track it is meant to ride. On the roller coaster of life you might occasionally lose your favorite hat and possibly your breakfast, but that is all part of the journey.

Lighten up. It's not personal. Take some time today to enjoy the spectacular view and count your blessings. It will all work out in the end.