Making Mindfulness Last

One of main reasons anyone comes to a practice of mindfulness, is a sincere desire to experience more peace and happiness in their life. Often they see their mindfulness practice as a temporary refuge from their daily stresses and dramas. And it does work.

Any decent mindfulness practice should deliver a fairly immediate reprieve from the assaults of the mind and world. Unfortunately, for most practitioners, these positive effects are short lived. They no sooner finish their practice than the busy mind revs up again, bringing with it all the pressures of modern life.

While many attempts at mindfulness may lead to fleeting results, that does not mean a more permanent solution isn’t possible. Like a swan attempting to take wing from the surface of a lake, a certain amount of momentum is necessary to achieve flight. The same is true with any mindfulness practice. If we stick with it, and receive the right instruction, breakthroughs are inevitable.  

Ultimately, any mindfulness practice is not about permanently trying to quiet, fight, or control the mind. Not even the saints, sages or the Buddha himself could achieve this. Rather it is about re-discovering that part of us that lies beneath all of this activity. That part of us that is always present, observing the whole process, yet not affected by any magnitude of passing thoughts, emotions or life circumstances.

In matters of mindfulness, understanding is far more valuable than practice. Fully recognizing the reality that what is most true about you, is that which does not change, has life altering implications. You are the intangible, unchanging, imperturbable, simple knowing essence of awareness, that observes everything without resistance or desire. Taking your stand here frees you from needing to respond to the constant stream of thoughts, emotions, perceptions, sensations, concepts, history or ideas about the future.  And while the mind might continue to react and ramble on for quite a while, without interest or identity, it cannot distract you for long.

Even for the most dedicated seekers, this understanding may take some time to ring true. It is a perspective that only has power to the extent it is tested and found to be true, and there are many commonly held assumptions to examine and debunk.  And even after your most scientific vestiges of your mind have exhausted its arguments, it can take additional time for the understanding to fully colonize your being and overcome decades of conditioned feelings.

However, if you are one of the very small minority of souls called to explore this road less travelled, you will find the journey well worth the effort.

 

You can visit Steve's site for business, executive and life coaching, or find him at Google +

 

Image courtesy of Patou at freedigitalphotos.net

 

 

 

 

The Tyranny Of Doing

Have you ever tried to take a little time out from one of your typical busy days, and sit quietly, doing nothing?

I am not talking about when you collapse on the sofa at the end of the day exhausted. Nor when you stop working on one particular job only to shift your attention to the next thing that needs to be done, or even to your favorite hobby. Rather, I am asking you if you have ever paid attention to the internal dialogue that happens, when you simply attempt to refrain from doing anything. 

I attempt this regularly and am always amazed at how much conditioning I have to move on to the next task, accomplish something else, or generally keep moving and productive. My mind is quite unsettled at the prospect of doing nothing, and puts up a very good fight.  There is no end of ideas that come to mind regarding what I might do next, what I might want more of, what I might not want to happen later, etc.  And if I manage to ignore all those thoughts auditioning for attention, there can come some judgement thoughts about being lazy, or even some anxiety feeling that I might be somehow wasting my time or falling behind the rest of the world.  

The point is, we are highly conditioned organisms. At an early age we are taught the importance of delaying gratification. We dutifully learn how to focus on the task at hand, study hard, compete, accomplish, produce, acquire, achieve, etc.  Our sense of self and social status is often deeply defined by what we do, and we take pride in how much we can accomplish in any particular, day, month, or year.  After a few decades of practice we become world champion doers. Doing is us.  And along the way, we forget how to be.

Can you even remember a few moments where you enjoyed the complete simplicity and wonder of your childhood, before “doing” became a religion? Playing with your favorite toy? Splashing in the bathtub? Enjoying an ice-cream cone? Staring at the clouds or stars?

You are not a human doing. You are in fact a human being.  Being is not something you want to dip a toe into occasionally, when time permits.  It is the ocean you want to dive into. Indeed it is where you want to live from.  It is who you are.

Forget this and life turns into an endless treadmill of unsatisfying accomplishment.

Remember this, and you can reconnect with the source of all vitality, and you can still function as necessary in the world of doing. 

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Choosing Not To Mind The Mind

It is hard to pinpoint the moment that I began to seriously explore mindfulness. It was a couple of decades ago when I had a busy career and a young family. I began to notice that it was getting noisy inside my head. I began to notice that it was hard to turn off the cascade of thoughts at the end of the day. I noticed that even though some of the things I was thinking/planning/worrying about had a very low probability of actually occurring, it didn’t seem to impact the seemingly endless desire of my mind to chew away at them.

Sometimes I would notice I was thinking about work problems, while doing a household task, and silently reciting a song in my head, all at the same time. It was just getting all together too busy in there.

I first turned towards the world’s great religious traditions to seek the peace and compassion of the saints. I learned much, frequently became inspired, and yet it did little to quiet my mind.

I studied myth. Again, learned much, got a sense of the recurring themes in the life journey, but my mind was still noisy.

I started learning about meditation. It took a while to really understand how simple it was, and that it was not about achieving some amazing, transcending experience – even though I experienced a few remarkable states.  And whenever I meditated, it certainly quieted things down for a bit. A 10 out of 10 stress day would be reduced to 7 out of 10.  A 5 out of 10 stress day would be reduced to a 3.  But as soon as I stopped meditating the noise in my mind would begin to pick up again.

I got intrigued with yoga, thinking that maybe a movement centered practice would be a better fit for someone like me who did not really enjoy sitting still for too long.   This led to a pretty deep dive into yogic philosophy (some of the most comprehensive to be found), years of practice, study with many prominent teachers, and eventually a teacher training course and certification as a Registered Yoga Teacher. Yoga helped my flexibility and strength and taught me a great deal about the link between the body and the mind. However, it certainly did not deal a knockout blow to the noise in my head. When I do yoga I am centered with a quiet focused mind. When I stop, the mind slowly starts up again.

It was only when I almost gave up the search in frustration, and actually prayed to find the right teacher, path or practice, to get me to that more sustainably peaceful place that some deep part of me intuited existed, did I finally connect with the teaching I had been looking for.

How ridiculous. It turned out the part of me that was so intent on solving this problem, was the part of me that had no chance of succeeding. That part of me, the thinking, planning, getting-better-at-it mind, was indeed the main barrier to the deeper peace I was looking for.   And all I had to do is stop identify with it.  That’s it. (It may sound too simple. I know I would not have been satisfied with this answer if it was handed to me before I had exhausted myself seeking some way to figure it out.)

My mind is still here. It is part of my experience. It does useful things.  It also continues to do what human minds are wired to do; judge, resist, desire, fantasize, and generally want things to be different. 

The difference is I no longer plant my flag of identity solely with my thoughts or emotions. I watch them come and go, and every hour there is a new monologue.  I just keep taking my attention off them, and putting it on my breath, whatever else is present, or the source of attention itself. Starved of attention and belief, the mind usually quiets down. And sometimes it doesn’t.

It doesn’t matter, I simply choose to no longer mind the mind.  

If At First.....

Making important changes in your life, career or business is not easy. Overcoming years of conditioning in your thoughts, emotions and behaviour requires time and a good deal of effort. It often requires more than one attempt.

Many change initiatives are abandoned at the first sign of back-sliding.  However big change is almost always harder than you expect it to be. There are many setbacks, many lessons on what doesn't work, and many times when you have to endure a good failure or two to learn the necessary lessons you require to finally push through to success. 

The more you prepare for a change, the more emotions you involve, the more support you line up to keep you on track or remind you why you are doing this - the greater your chances of success will be.

Some people believe it is better to try and fail, than it is to never try at all.  However, there is enough good science, best practices and professional support available, to potential changers these days, that if you are committed you can make the change. And if you are serious about making some important changes, don't let a few steps backwards deter you.

The Irony In Seeking

To anyone who has a calling to find; truth, a deeper connection to life/God/love, their true self, The Self, or any of the many euphemisms for the fruits of inner journey, this calling manifests into seeking.  There is a deep sense that the truth is out there somewhere, and if you only access the right; teacher, training, mentor, knowledge, practice, etc., and put in your time, enlightenment will be yours.

The irony in seeking is that this part of us that is seeking, is the biggest barrier to the greater experience of; peace, love, bliss, harmony, connection, etc. that we intuit is possible.

The truth is, in this journey, ever step you take is a step away from where the answer is found. Ultimately, it is just an idea you have about yourself, that believes an idea about what needs to be; different, acquired, or accomplished, to obtain some imagined better state.  If you let go of all the ideas and imagining, what do you experience now?

As the poet Rumi explained, "Your task is not to seek for love, your task is to seek and find all the barriers you have built against it."   

Proceed With Joy

When I was a child and worrying about something, my mother would often ask, “Aren’t you taking yourself too seriously.”

At the time I simply took this as a reminder that the current problem will probably pass, just like all that preceded it, and that I should not worry too much.

Years later, and after working with over 1100 clients in my coaching practice, I am beginning have a deeper appreciation of this inquiry.

In fact I have come to believe that whenever you are not at peace, not experiencing simple, everyday joy, you are probably taking yourself too seriously. By this I mean, there is probably a part of you that has judged this current set of circumstances to be unfavourable. And so the thinking mind has left the moment and is out in the imagined future somewhere working out plans to overcome all threats. Or, alternatively, the mind has left the present moment and is looking backwards to re-hash, re-play, or otherwise dwell on some event that it is judging as significant.

So here is a suggestion, if you are not at this very moment feeling peaceful and happy, simply ask yourself what do I need to let go of to be at peace?

Yes there are times in our day to day life to evaluate, choose and move into action. But it is not personal. If you have too much stress in your life, or too little joy, chances are you are taking things a little too personal. It’s just life. It happens. Trust you will be able to respond as necessary.  

In the meantime, proceed with joy.       

At The End of Each Day

I talk a lot about choice with my coaching clients. Many are so busy that they simply live out of habit. Each day thinking, feeling, and reacting to their life in the exact same way, making few conscious choices.

This sort of living wears them out and makes them feel unengaged, burnt-out, as if they are not living the life they are meant to live.

The journey to higher awareness involves moving just far enough away from automatic living to make choices, choices that align you with what is most important. (Those parts of life you value most, that engage you, express your unique gifts, and provide meaning to your life.)

At the end of each day you can end up with more in your head, more in your hands, or more in your heart.  What are you choosing today?

Why Remain Optimistic?

In the trough of a deep recession, optimism can be a scarce commodity. As wave after wave of negative economic news washes around the globe, anyone who struggles to find silver linings can feel like an endangered species.

However as someone who does believe in humanity's ability to adjust and adapt to new circumstances, I was bouyed to read Dr. Sonja Lyubormirsky's THE HOW OF HAPPINESS, and find more hard evidence on the benefits of remaining optimistic.

To be clear, when I talk about optimism I am not advocating ignoring the real challenges of life. As you look around the world these days, you can see ample evidence of humanity's seemingly limitless capacity for self-interest, greed and general stupidity.

Nevertheless, if you look for it, you can also see countless situations where the best in humanity comes forth in beautiful displays of compassion, creativity and selflessness. Both these truths exist, and the point is it matters which perspective you choose to focus on or put in the forefront of your experience of life.

There is overwhelming evidence that people who choose to cultivate the habits of optimism, that believe in silver linings and that things will work out in the end, enjoy; greater health, greater longevity, lower stress, more energy and higher achievement. As an optimist you will not only enjoy far more happiness, but are also far more likely to persevere, stick to your goals and respond better to challenging situations.

Cultivating optimism is not only worthwhile, it's achievable, even for those of us raised in fearful or skeptical environments. Research attests to benefits of optimism fostering strategies ranging from; expressing gratitude, regular exercise, practicing kindness, developing greater mindfulness, cultivating social relationships, and learning how to savor more of life's simple joys. (Sonja's book is a very good summary of these strategies and includes practical advice on implementation.)

Not only can the habit of optimism make you feel better, it can also influence what you manifest or make happen in your life. In this regard, psychologists have long distinguished between primary and secondary control. An example of primary control is your ability to directly influence existing realities - the rain, the economy, your boss, etc. Secondary control refers to your ability to adapt to reality. (I cannot change the rain, maybe I can learn how to have more fun on rainy days?)

While most of the social science research focuses on helping us cultivate greater secondary control and thus better respond to life, the spiritual traditions (and Keynesian economics) teach that what you think, believe, and act on, absolutely influences your primary reality. If you think it is a dog-eat-dog world out there, you are going to be fearful and that will influence your behavior and what and whom you attract into your life. (Pessimists tend to attract more pessimists. Optimists attract people of a similar energy.) If you think the economy is going to get worse, you will hold back on your spending, and your spending is someone else's salary. They pull back on their spending and that can affect your income. In short, you create the very future you fear.

How you see the world can definitely influence, what you think, how you feel and what you act on. As such, your view of the world can directly shape the future you are creating.

So, cultivating more optimism not only makes you happier, healthier and a heck of a lot more fun to be around, it will also have a positive impact on creating a better future for everyone.

Every roller coaster ride has its share of heart stopping plunges. Choose to have faith your little cart is firmly fixed on the track it is meant to ride. On the roller coaster of life you might occasionally lose your favorite hat and possibly your breakfast, but that is all part of the journey.

Lighten up. It's not personal. Take some time today to enjoy the spectacular view and count your blessings. It will all work out in the end.